You know what I'm sayin'?

Golf and Biking with a Small Chance of Rain

2009-05-16T18:10:00.000-07:00

Well today has definitely been an adventure for me. Today is my dad's birthday, so we decided to all three go hit some golf balls this morning in honor of his birthday. Needless to say, I was like a five year old who gets bored very easily and I most definitely commend Mom and Dad for being that patient. I also managed to take two chunks of grass and dirt out of the ground which was good enough for me. I'm not really sure if I will take up golfing, it's probably not a wise idea for me; one, because I can't hit the ball and two, because I talk too much :)

One of the highlights of this was when we were in the car on the way back home....somehow we got on the subject of chicken coops, which then lead to skunks [we were talking about how stinky they were]. Dad proceeded to tell me: "If you ever hit a skunk, get out of the car, set it on fire and report is stolen. Or just have Hilary pop you in the face, say someone hit you, then jacked your car....." I was glad to hear his philosophy of how to handle my stinky car, if that were to ever happen of course....which I pray that it does not, because I will only be the good daughter and listen to what my dad said, and if for some reason Hilary decides to take the route to hit me, she might get hurt :)

Yea....back to reality; after our golf outting, Mom and I came back and got ready to run errands. We drove all the way to Sandhills to get to Ulta and get makeup....we would really appreciate it if Columbiana would invest in an Ulta. It would definitely save some time for us. We [well I] also enjoyed some Starbucks.

Once we were done with our errands, I had already planned to go biking with Roy and Heidi later this afternoon. The original plan was to go to the Riverwalk and bike, but that changed and they decided we would ride around their house/Pine Ridge area. Once I arrived at their house, we set off on our ride. Needless to say that ride was a little hilly every now and then, which was a challenge for me at times. As we were discussing the route we were going to take to head back, we heard thunder. We thought for sure we were going to miss the rain. Not. We headed back, and it started drizziling on us. Mom actually drove by us after running more errands and honked the horn at us. Roy said that it is illegal to do that to bikers and he was going to have her arrested for it....when I later told Mom and Dad, Dad said "I would like to see him try." Ha moving on....we were almost back to the house, when the bottom dropped out. I mean literally it was POURING. Heidi was bikerwoman today, and went ahead of Roy and I. Luckily, she made it to the house right when it started, Roy and I on the other hand got soaked. We finally made it back to the house, we were dripping from the rain....I got in the car and went home. I borrowed Mom's car, so I got her seat wet [oops] ha and drove through the monsoon and made it home.

When I got home, I came in still soaked, got laughed at by the parentals then changed. Like I said earlier, today was Dad's birthday so we had planned to have a family night and grill out. The rain seemed to interfer with that. Well in the real world it would have, but my dad prevailed, put his Indiana Jones hat on and grilled the steaks in the rain. Our menu consisted of; steak, lobster tails, baked potatoes, corn, garlic bread and salad. It was all delicious and great, except we discovered tonight that I do not like lobster and I will be sticking to crab legs.

Overall it was a pretty productive day, we were able to spend time with Trip and have some good laughs, just like old times which is always a plus for us :)

2009-04-13T20:43:00.000-07:00

OK so Lauren and I being the 12 year olds that we are at times, went and saw the Hannah Montana movie! We actually liked it....a lot. It wasn't bad at all.....though the girl that we purchased our tickets from snickered at us when we told her the movie we wanted to see, we still enjoyed it. The whole point behind this blog and video is to show you the dance that they do in it. Miley/Hannah sings a song called The Hoedown and it has a dance that goes with it. I personally think the dance looks fun so I attached this video for you to see how it's done! Hopefully I will find time to actually learn it :)

Easter 2009

2009-04-12T21:08:00.000-07:00

"....and my heart turns violently inside of my chest. I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way HE LOVES US. Oh how He loves us...."

-->WE ARE NEVER THE SAME WHEN WE ENCOUNTER THE LOVE OF GOD.

Well Easter has come and gone once again. But I wanted to touch on the highlights of my day today :)

1.) I woke up to find an Easter basket for me. It consisted of my favorite Easter candy such as butterfinger eggs, a bag of dove chocolate eggs, robin eggs [woppers], reese cups, lifesaver gummies and some other things were thrown in the mix. Then there was the real deal. It was a trifold Disney Princess coloring book. You can color, paint and do games in this thing :) Needless to say the Easter Bunny visited me a little early this year when I got a bike on Friday.....

2.) Of course it was slightly bittersweet for me with there only being one Easter basket and no Trip here to sneak peeks with. When I thought about how I kind of wanted to cry, I just smiled and told myself that he will be home in 2 weeks so no need to be a basket case [haha] yea if you didn't get the humor in that then, um, loosen up a bit :)

YUP moving on......

3.) Mom was able to talk to Trip on the phone this morning before church...lucky

4.) Service was amazing this morning [great job Pastor Tim]

-->"His word is His will and His will is His word. If He says it, He means it!"

5.) We had lunch at Grandma and Grandpa Mayzes house. It was scrumptous as usual. I, of course ate waaaaay too much, it made my biking the day before a little pointless. Oh well.

6.) Mom, Dad and I went to go to Dicks Sporting Goods so I could get some butt shorts, only to get there and find out they were closed. At least we had an adventure for the day.

7.) I made a deal with mom. I told her if she would let me take a nap I would get up before dinner and vacuum the living room and clean off the dining room table for her. She agreed, so I was able to enjoy a 2 hour nap. I was grumpy when I woke up, nothing new there.

8.) I did manage to vacuum the living room, clean the dining room table AND eat about a million butterfinger eggs before the Bauers showed up. In the end eating that candy was a bad idea....my dinner was spoiled, but no worries I prevaled and managed to eat yet another BIG meal making it twice for one day :/

9.) Mom cooked and cooked and cooked, I mean she started cooking YESTERDAY for tonights meal. She means business when she cooks....ha anyways she made an amazing meal that we were able to enjoy with Heidi, Roy, Robbie and Jack.

10.) Mom being the grandma that she is to Jack and Robbie had Easter baskets for them. They LOVED their elmo and cookie monster puppets. And we also learned that the puppets will most likely be BALD by the end of the week because of how much blue and red they shed. Good luck to Heidi with keeping the shedding contained haha.

11.) Mom and I made a bunny cake yesterday that was cute.....until we ate the ears for dessert. The picture gives you a good visual of what I am talking about. I just feel sorry for the poor bunny when we start taking chunks out of his face.

12.) We never took a picture as a family in our Easter outfits. SHOCKER.

13.) Lastly, we learned today that Dad can draw very well :)

What today REALLY boils down to:

Today may have just been another hectic, crazy day in the Holland household but we also celebrated together the Resurrection of Jesus. We had silly moments, serious moments but most of all we had happy moments. I hope you were able to have a great Easter with the people that mean the most to you. I also hope you remember, not just today but EVERYDAY that Jesus did indeed die on the cross for ALL of us. He gave His life for YOU, He was beaten and crucified for YOU. He rose again because He said He would and for that we should be continuously thirsting and seeking after HIM. Thank you Jesus for bringing life more abundantly for all of us.

"For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires. "-->Hebrews 4:12

Bicycles, Boobs and Chapstick

2009-04-11T14:48:00.000-07:00

SOOOO I haven't blogged in FOREVER. But I have finally found something quite interesting to blog about. Well Heidi and I find it interesting, so I will share it with you :)

I recently decided that I would much rather ride a bicycle for exercise than run. So, Hilary and I decided that we would start biking at school together. With this, I told Heidi about it and she then told Roy and they seemed to get excited for me. The two of them are like professionals or something like that, so they were a lot of help with me getting started. Well, Mom and Dad took me on Friday to get a new bicycle which made me REALLY excited. Heidi and I talked about me going with her and Roy on Saturday [today] to the Riverwalk to ride. Plans were made and I showed up at their house this morning at 10:03 ready for some adventure. Roy had already left, he rode his bike all the way to the Riverwalk and we drove in the car and met him there.

First funny moment of the day: Heidi has a bike rack on the back of her Xterra, so I pulled my bike out of the car and we put it on the rack. Yea, not as easy as it sounds. My bike is the complicated bike [imagine that one] and wouldn't go on as easily as their bikes do. So Heidi and her GENIUS self figured out how to finally get it on there, and even figured out how to strap it. Luckily, we can be laid back people so we just laughed the whole time we were trying to get it on there. It was just one of those moments where you had to be there, because while we are trying to get the complicated bike on the rack, Jack and Robbie are in the car yelling, MOMMY or ASHLYN can you do this or that or this. Haha. Moving on......

We made the stop and dropped Jack off with his grandparents then headed on to the Riverwalk. Roy was awaiting our arrival when we pulled in. We got out and started to unload while Roy started getting the bikes off the back. Being the girls that we are, Heidi and I have to have our Burt's Bees chapstick with us at all times but we were wondering where to put it. Then Heidi has yet another BRILLIANT idea. I looked over and homegirl [Heidi] was sticking her chapstick down her shirt into her bra. I literally laughed out loud and said that was a great idea. Roy on the other hand said she needed to take it out because he wasn't going to let her act like a 50 year old woman by putting things in her bosom hahaha. I then had to remind Roy that my mother isn't 50 yet and she does it all the time, which is probably why Heidi and I think it's all good to put things in our bras. So, Heidi left it right where she put it, and then I put mine in the same place.

The thing that seemed to "bother" Roy the most was the fact that Heidi is evidently starting to act like an "old lady." If he paid the least bit of attention he would realize that our church is full of women storing things in this certain place haha, PLUS the chapstick fit perfectly right where we put it :)

Needless to say, we had a great ride. Robbie really enjoyed it too. We saw a million turtles and the "famous" alligator according to Roy. We ended the adventure by eating some subs and watching Robbie play on the playground and pee on Heidi's car. Hmmm not sure if I was supposed to say that....but it was funny and if you want to know the whole story behind that, ask Roy :)

OH and the lesson learned for Ashlyn today, don't ride the bike without butt shorts haha.

OMG

2009-03-04T18:43:00.000-08:00

WEEEEE GOTSSSS SNOW!!! check it out :)

31 insane things about ME

2009-02-02T22:23:00.000-08:00

1. i like to say "sick nasty" and "you know what i'm sayin'?" way too much.

2. i steal/collect coasters from restaurants.

3. i absolutley admire audrey hepburn.

4. i want to be a teacher, but i can't stand capitalizing things [as you can see on this note]

5. i was adopted [by my wonderful daddy]

6. my mom and i look almost exactly alike, except for hair and eye color.

7. i have a marine for a brother.

8. i have to pull up my pants EVERYTIME i get up and according to courtney i say "JESUS" under my breath when i do it.

9. im a little into rob pattinson and eric dane....just a little :)

10. when i play card games, i am ocd about the deck being perfect.

11. disney movies are still my favorite kind of movies.

12. coffee is my drug that keeps me going sometimes.

13. i have a big heart for children and missions.

14. i like to buy coffee mugs.

15. i like to take too many pictures.

16. i dye my hair....a lot.

17. i don't like much change unless it's something like dying my hair [which can always be undone]

18. i decorate my door according to the holiday of the month [it's the teacher coming out in me]19. i like coach a little too much. and my mother spoils me with it.

20. i am spoiled....very much so.

21. i seem to "collect" scarves, converses, makeup, and sunglasses. im sure there are other things but illleave it at that.

22. facebook, and facebook bumper stickers takes up a lot of my time.

23. playing the violin is the most relaxing thing for me at times.

24. luden's wild cherry throat drops are still my favorite when i am sick.

25. i only drink aquifina or dasani water.

26. i have been to australia, peru and getting ready to head to africa this summer.

27. i like to color in coloring books.....yes at the age of 20.

28. eyeliner is one of my best friends.

29. i tend to make a hospital visit once a year for the most random things.

30. my cell phone has to be with me at all times. and i text way too much.

31. last but NEVER least. jesus has my heart and soul. and i fall in love with him more everyday

Time Consuming

2009-01-26T18:01:00.000-08:00

Google Docs can go to a not nice place.
Know what I'm saying?

Transparent

2009-01-25T12:42:00.000-08:00

My brother called around 7 something this morning.
It was GREAT to hear his voice, and even better to hear that he was doing good.
When I hung up the phone reality kind of hit me.
I then bawled like a baby.
I didn't really know that you could miss someone so much.
I have some kind of emptiness that I didn't know existed.
It really hasn't hit until these past 2 months how much I really miss him.
I am definitely looking forward to April.

Quote of the Day

2009-01-25T11:54:00.000-08:00

"Coco Chanel said to always take one accessory off before walking out the door."

The wise words of Coco Chanel, from Courtney Phillips :)

Quote of the Day

2009-01-24T20:55:00.000-08:00

"You know, your mood swings are starting to give me whiplash."
-->Bella [Twilight]

Most definitely applies to my life at the moment.

Ready, Set...Oh NO!!!

2009-01-21T22:32:00.000-08:00

"Does a spring of water bubble out with both fresh water and bitter water?"
-->James 3:11

Ok so with being here at Emmanuel we have convocation and chapel services that we are required to attend on a weekly basis. This Wednesday night we had the RD of Wellons hall as our speaker. He graduated last year and he really brought a word that some of us needed to hear.

He was discussing how we have sin in our lives. We know we have it and when we make a change we automatically start cleaning up the outside. For instance if we have a cussing problem, we just start watching our mouths and what we say. Sometimes the full effect never happens WITHIN us....we change the outside but not the inside. That's good right?! Well he gave an example of friends and how they may react to one another. He said we may tell a friend, "Hey guess what I lost 5 pounds!" And instead of encouraging or praising us for it they shoot right back with "Yea, well I lost 10 pounds!" It's almost like they are saying, BEAT THAT! I compared it to the whole one-upping game.....I have a friend that feels like they always need to one-up me....with EVERYTHING. Anything I have done or that I have or that I get, they have it already or had it at some point or they just simply think they have something better. Don't get me wrong, I am only human and I do tend to brag at times, but I believe that I am also aware of other people and their feelings when it comes to things that may make them feel accomplished. I don't like to rain on anyone's parade it's just not that satisfying to me.

As Christians I believe we should learn to humble ourselves and allow someone to have some glory for once. It's not always a competition of who has better or who can do/say better. After all we should not continuously lust after material things to fill our lives. In the end to me, that is all the one-up game is. It is a battle to see who has better things or who has done it already. It drives me insane when I have something to say that I think is worth saying because it makes me feel good, it encourages me and I want to share it so I can encourage someone else and/or get feedback. But what I do not expect is to be told, "Yea, well I have something better......"

I guess for me, tonight was a learning experience with something that I was having a hard time with for awhile. I know some mean well and may not realize it, but I also believe there is a line that should be drawn. People or friends for that matter should not be constantly seeking to "beat you." Your happiness should make them happy. We have become people that are all about ourselves. We become completely unaware of our surroundings and how sometimes our words can be a bad effect instead of a positive one. Sometimes you never know if that person could be struggling and your words can make or break them. So will you decide to have words that can be encouragement or words that are simply said for mere competition? The choice is yours :)

"People can tame all kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and fish, but no one can tame the tongue. It is resless and evil, full of deadly poison. Sometimes it praises our Lord and Father, and sometimes it curses those who have been made in the image of God. And so blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth....."
James 3:7-10

2008 Recap.

2008-12-31T22:25:00.000-08:00

I got this idea from Stephanie, she basically recapped 2008 with all the things she could remember or that stuck out to her so here goes for me.

2008:

-I sunk into a hole. A big one.

-I cut all my hair off and put pink in it. that was fun.

-I had hospital visit #746 [not really] for kidney stones [again] this time causing a surgical procedure. Which then called for missing one week of school. Leading to missing 3 classes of Dr. Black where I then had to DROP the class. I thought that American History II would be the death of me.

-After my week long absence, I had a revelation [haha] that I was being inconsiderate of Stephanie and her friendship. I felt like I needed to "mend" things and that is just what I began to do. It took a very long time, a lot longer than what she or I expected I think. But in the end I think it has been very much worth it, so thank you Stephanie for sticking with me and never leaving my side when I didn't deserve your loyalty.

-Then there was Shea [yes, that is a guy and that is his name haha]

-I had yet another well spent spring break in Myrtle Beach with my grandma. Yes I said grandma, I love having my quality time with her for a week. I most definitely look forward to it.

- Tennis season was ok, I kind of wanted to quit.

-I dyed my hair a lot haha.

- I attended the formal in April alone. I enjoyed it. Camping was a bad idea. But I think I can say for all who attended that we were very much entertained by a particular person, who can predict weather.

-Saw Disney Princesses on Ice with Lauren.

- I ended the semester with good grades. All A's and B's. Started the summer off with doing absolutely nothing.

-Went camping with Madison and Lauren for my 20th birthday. Interesting enough we were attacked by raccoons haha.

- Worked Kids Kamp for the third time. Ended up with 2 of the same kids from the year before. Skyler got attached to me, and I got attached to her. I watched God do some great things with the kids there.

- I went on a week long missions trip to Peru with 3 other people. Rhonda Bauer, Katie and Jimmy Cooke. I was AMAZED at the things God did there. It is unexplainable the way those children touched my heart.

- Peru stirred something inside of me. I now have a desire to bring change for all the children around the world.

-Came back from Peru and worked Camp Robinson, ages 6-9 [I do believe]. That was a fun experience, prank night was a night I will never forget. I also won't forget the people that I met there.

- Throughout the whole summer, I was the youth intern. Basically I helped with the youth group at our church with our new youth pastor, Victoria. I enjoyed that. The kids didn't like me as much haha. I soon realized why my calling was for the little ones. Nevertheless, I still love our youth and very glad that Victoria is the one that is called to be there haha.

- Went to Youth Quest in Daytona, FL. Took the youth group. Chaperones consisted of Victoria, Stuart, and Me. With the adult supervision of Deb and Mi Madre. Interesting is the only word to describe that trip. I competed for the first and last time. I came in second place for violin. [Pat on the back for me]

-I fell in love with Jack Bauer haha.

- Went to Georgia in an attempt to CLEP the History class. Bombed it, went to see Wes after it. Then stayed a few days with Katie. Like I said before, that History was determined to be the death of me.

- The semester started back. I was "officially" dating Wes. My roommate was Katie. I have enjoyed being her roomie. And I have enjoyed getting to really know her. I commend her for putting up with me. It's a hard thing to do, but she seems to handle it well :) -

-Trip and Tripp came and visited me at EC. We all went and got tattoos haha. My new one was 2 chinese symbols that mean beauty and grace.

-Trip left and went to Iraq.

-Classes seemed easy enough, except for the fact that I had Dr. Black for American History II, take 2 haha. I was absolutely DETERMINED to get through this class.

- Started my 90 hour practicum in my Kindergarten and First Grade classrooms at Hartwell Elementary. I fell in love with ALL of my students and witnessed great things in both classrooms. I am hoping to do my student teaching with one of the two teachers.

-Became the leader for the Stage Design team at school. That had it's ups and downs, hopefully it will be better in 2009.

- There was still Wes, and then there was Shea. Back to Wes and then back to Shea. Ending with no Wes or Shea.

-Midterm gave a promising report. Good grades so far.

-I was completely lost.

-Then there was revelation #2. I knew things were bad and I needed to get it right. This resulted in Caiti, Alexia, Katie and I now having the "baggage bag." This is the bag where we can put all of our "trash" or problems. We basically write it down, crumble it up and get rid of whatever it is that is hindering us.

-Ended Fall 2008 semester with all A's and 2 B's and making the Dean's List. Only 3 semesters left. Strange to think about....

-I also met and fell in love with the greatest group of girls in the Edu department at school [Court, Jordan and Bess] and I am definitely looking forward to the next 1 1/2 with them :)

-Came home for break and had all intentions of getting things right. Luckily I was successful. I took the time to "recover" and get on track.

-Christmas was bittersweet with no Trip here.

-Read The Shack. Best book EVER. And will definitely read it again.

-The one person that has surprised me this whole year would be Heidi. She has most definitely come out of her shell and I have enjoyed getting to know her, and I am looking forward to many more years with having her around :)

-Jack Jack will be the only man that can have all of my heart haha. And like Heidi, I refuse for him to grow up.

-Lauren Johnson is my best friend and will continue to be that. She has done great with school and with her job and as being there for me. So I look forward to the very many years we have ahead of us.

-Overall, I met new people, grew closer with people. Mended some friendships and got rid of the negatives. So many people impacted my life that it is very hard to name everyone.

-Though 2008 is over and I am still growing, I am looking forward to what God has in store for me in 2009. I hope to grow more and I pray that I am completely receptive to Him. I know that He will surround me with the right people I need. I am looking forward to Africa and the great things God is going to do there, but until then I will just continue to seek after His will for my life.

Christmas Morning.....

2008-12-25T02:53:00.001-08:00

Well I guess you can say this is a continuation of the blog about the Christmas tree. First off, I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a big Happy Birthday to Jesus. We were fortunate enough to ear from Trip BRIGHT AND EARLY this morning. Which of course was the inspiration to write this now......You can call this Holland History 104 [I do believe that is where I left off]

Ever since I can remember, we have had a tradition or more-a-less a rule in our house about the procedure of Christmas morning. Basically, BOTH Trip and I have to be awake before we are allowed to step foot in the living room AND it can't be BEFORE 6 am. Once both of us are up, we are to somehow let Mom and Dad know, whether it be via the intercom in the hallway or simply yelling so they knew. The whole point was that we would all do Christmas together, but Trip wouldn't see his gifts before I saw mine and vice versa. Well as the years went on my eagerness to get up so early and open gifts declined, and it bugged the mess out of Trip. Only because he was stuck in the confinement of his room or the "playroom" until I woke up. I remember he and I would get up EARLY, like 4 am some Christmases and literally sit in the hallway and wait for Mom and Dad to give us the all clear. But I think it was my junior year of high school when I decided I was not getting up that early on Christmas morning. Hahaha it makes me laugh thinking about Trip banging on my door saying "Ashlyn get up you lazy bum!" I took personal joy in that, I am not even going to lie. The amusing part to me was that I knew he couldn't look at his presents until I got out of bed. So needless to say I stayed as long as I could, knowing it would drive him crazy. The past couple of years have been similar to that, I have been the last one in bed and he has been waiting on me.......but of course there was no banging on my door this morning. Then again it is just now 6 am, but still the fact remains that Trip won't be knocking on my door this Christmas morning begging me to get out of bed to open gifts. I guess that is where that emptiness comes in again. Something is definitely missing from this Christmas, and I am pretty sure it's Trip.

But like I said, we heard from Trip this morning, he called around 5:30. I was so glad that we all got to at least hear his voice. It's amazing how he is halfway across the world and still managed to get me up BEFORE 6 am on Christmas morning. But I would give anything for him to be here right now. I would even be ok with him banging on my door telling me to get up. I guess you don't realize what you have until it is gone. I most definitely have missed my little brother this during the holidays and I am especially sad that he isn't here to aggravate me this Christmas morning. But it all goes back to what I said before, I trust that God has him where he needs to be right now, even if that means he can't be here with us today. And even though that still stands true, I guess a little part of me will still be waiting for him to come knocking on my door......

To Trip:
I love you turd! Christmas really isn't the same without you here. I miss you and like I have said before, I can't wait for you to be home. Have a Merry Christmas and know that I would rather have you home pestering me about presents right now more than anything :)

For Grandma Ann

2008-12-24T07:53:00.001-08:00

When we were at my grandma's for Thanksgiving, she gave me this card to read. She wanted me to somehow get it on the internet for people to read so I am going to post it on here and on facebook most likely. Hope you enjoy!

A Soldier's Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas, he lived all alone,
in a one bedroom house made of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney with presents to give,
and to see just who in this home did live.
I looked all about, a strange sight I did see,
no tinsel, no presents, not even a tree.
No stocking by mantle, just boots filled with sand,
on the wall hung pictures of far distant lands.
With medals and badges, awards of all kinds,
a sober thought came through my mine.
For this house was different, it was dark and dreary,
I found the home of a soldier, once I could see clearly.
The soldier lay sleeping, silent, alone,
curled up on the floor in this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle, the room in such disorder,
not how I pictured a United States soldier.
Was this the hero of whom I'd just read?
Curled up on a poncho, the floor for a bed?
I realized the families that I saw this night,
owed their lives to these soldiers who were willing to fight.
Soon round the world, the children would play,
and growups would celebrate a bright Christmas day.
They all enjoyed freedom each month of the year,
because of the soldiers, like the one living here.
I couldn't help wonder how many lay alone,
on a cold Christmas Eve in a land far from home.
The very thought brought a tear to my eye,
I dropped to my knees and started to cry.
The soldier awakened and I heard a rough voice,
"Santa don't cry, this life is my choice.
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more,
my life is my God, my Country, my Corps."
The soldier rolled over and drifted to sleep,
I couldn't control it, I continued to weep.
I kept watch for hours, so silent and still
and we both shivered from the cold night's chill.
I didn't want to leave on that cold, dark night,
this guardian of honor so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over, with a voice soft and pure,
whispered, "Carry on Santa, it's Christmas day, all is secure."
One look at my watch, and I knew he was right,
"Merry Christmas my friend, and to all a good night."
--Anonymous

Merry Christmas EVERYONE, wherever you may be!

It's not the end of the world...

2008-12-17T21:13:00.000-08:00

Well that is what I have to keep telling myself. As a 20 year old girl that has basically been given everything she has ever wanted, I can be a drama queen at times. What I have come to realize is that when I think it might be the end of the world, it's really not. Imagine that one?! I have had a lot going on lately, and there was something that really stuck out to me at a Bible study I was at a week ago. They talked about how sometimes we make ourselves the center of our own universe. We are about ourselves, and how we can accomplish things. The truth is, we don't put God in the center. We think that we are humans and know everything...even how to fix everything. So when it comes to the things we want in life, we ATTEMPT to fix them with OUR solutions. Even when we may KNOW deep in our heart that our solution is not the best option, we do it anyways. We don't trust that God will give us the right tools and answers to fix our problems. We are impatient and inconsiderate of HIS timeline.

After talking to one of my friends from school today about some things that were going on with me she said the one thing that inspired me to write this:

".....sometimes it's hard to remember that we're on His timetable and not our own."

How true is that?
I guess what God has been working with me lately is patience, and complete trust in Him and only Him.
And all I can do is thank God for bringing this to my attention as something to work on, and for also providing the wonderful friends that I have to help me along the way :)
With that part said, thank you to the people who do help me along the way [I know I can be hard to put up with at times, but you are truly appreciated]

-->"Those who know your name trust in you, for you, O LORD, do not abandon those who search for you." [[Psalm 9:10]]

Merry Christmas Trip....

2008-12-15T21:33:00.001-08:00

-->Before you read, know that "Holland History _ _ _" refers to the simple fact that whatever you read following it has something to do with our family history :)

For those who do not know, my little brother [Trip, 19] is currently a US Marine stationed in Iraq. He left in September and has had an adventure thus far. He is not due to return back home till April, so with that said the holidays have been bittersweet without him here. We made it through Thanksgiving. We switched it up this year and actually went to Myrtle Beach to be with my grandma [Mom's side]. It was very enjoyable but different from the usual. I believe that there was a reason we weren't home this year during Thanksgiving, for the mere fact that it would be different. And thanks for God opening the door to a different but familiar home during that time. Meanwhile, we are drawing near to Christmas day, which I think will be the hardest test for us, for me at least.

Holland History 101:

My brother and I are 15 months apart, putting us very close in age and so growing up with him right behind me made things difficult at times. We didn't get along all the time, actually we hardly ever got along. But the moments that we did were amazing. They were the most important moments, the moments where we knew our bond to each other as brother and sister. We knew what the other was going through and we trusted each other most of all. Though some things did come back to bite us in our butts later on, [thanks to BOTH of our big mouths] we were still able to connect nonetheless.

What this all comes down to is, I miss my little brother terribly. Since he has been gone, I have learned to focus on the good times rather than the bad ones. And when I am able to do that, I truly miss what a great friend he is to me. I grew accustomed to having someone to share the memories with, especially the holiday memories. And I never realized how important or how much having him around meant to me until we put our Christmas tree up two days ago.

Holland History 102:
Ya see, around here we have a tradition. Since I can remember, we go as a family and pick out a real tree. I love doing it because it was a time for us to spend together, a time for just family. Though Mom and Dad did take that whole experience away from me for a few years [which is a TOTALLY different story for a different day, and no worries Mom and Dad, I forgive you haha] we decided last year [2007] that we would go back to picking out a Christmas tree as a family. For one, because I complained about it [I really missed the scent of a real tree haha] and two, we were taking it as if Trip wouldn't be with us for Christmas the following year [2008]. It was like we were doing it one last time before Trip left. We had already expected him not to be here this Christmas, or his orders at the time said he wouldn't be so that was the plan. We would go as a family and get a tree, and put it up and decorate it together.

So now a whole year later, I still got my real tree. It's decorated and pretty as usual, but something is missing. As I was walking around trying to pick out the perfect Christmas tree on Saturday, I felt a sense of emptiness. I almost felt alone, even though I was nowhere near alone. The light bulb went off in my head after we got the tree, and I realized that I was missing my brother. I remembered him the year before walking around with this branch that fell off a tree and he acted like it was his tail, like he was a peacock. Gosh it still makes me laugh out loud thinking about him doing that. But the reality two days ago was that he wasn't there acting stupid or crazy. It was just me. Me, Mom and Dad. And the more I think about it, I realize that I rushed them, I found tree after tree saying "Ok this one is good." Of course they didn't know what was going on, and at the time I really didn't either, so they kept finding fault in the tree or just wanted to look around to make sure they got the right one. Luckily for me the process was short, I think it took a total of 15 minutes if that.

After my light bulb went off moments after putting the tree in the truck, I made sure to keep my composure, I refused to get emotional at that moment. Mom and I went and ran some errands which took my mind away from all the emotions going on inside of me. When we got back home, Dad put the lights on the tree and there I was faced with the hard part. I had to pull out all the ornaments and put them on the tree....without Trip. It just felt wrong, like I was waiting for him to walk in the door at any moment and be ready to help.

Holland History 103:

One thing that my mom has done every year since we were born, is buy a new ornament for both of us. Meaning there are 18 ornaments for Trip, and 19 ornaments for me that go on that tree.

As I began to take each ornament out, I had a feeling of sadness just come over me. I literally began to cry, I mean the flood gates were wide open and there was no stopping it. I was a blubbering basket case, but I "pressed on" and finished the tree....all by myself....without Trip. I never in my life imagined decorating a Christmas tree would be so hard, or so emotional. The fact is that it was, I have kept my feelings pushed aside when it came to how I felt about my brother being in Iraq and not here. I felt as if it was unfair, but then I fet selfish for thinking that.

The whole point is this, you never know how much your life will change, or how different it will feel until it really happens. I have thought before, we are constantly reassuring ourselves, "That will never happen to me." And then you wake up one morning, guess what....it happened. It's the whole idea that we are protected by some invisible cloak. The truth is, we aren't. But what we do have or can have is faith, trust and complete assurance that whatever happens, God is in control.

As much as it pains me that my little brother isn't here, or the fact that he is all alone in a foreign place during one of the happiest times of the year for our family, I know, I TRUST and BELIEVE that he is safe. He is completely safe because I have the faith to believe that he is. I know that I have been selfish at times when it comes to this whole thing, but I am nothing but human who loves her own brother unconditionally. Though my brother is still alive and well [Thank God] his presence is absent, and it affects me. And I am beginning to see that It affects me a lot more than I thought it would.

I say ALL of that to say this, we may be blind sided by the unexpected or by things that we thought would never happen to us. Christmas may be especially hard for a lot of people for a reason that only they know. But out of all of the sadness and frustration of Trip's absence during this time, I have learned not to mourn necessarily but to rejoice in knowing that God has His loving arms wrapped around Trip and our family. Trip is above all protected and though it is hard for us we are learning to be ok with it all. I have learned that I may think that I can avoid the emotion aspect of all this, but as you can see a simple Christmas tree brought my uncertainty to my attention. But God was the One that was able to reassure me that in the end, it's ok to miss Trip but I have to completely trust God with him now. It is a very difficult thing to do at times, to just give God someone that is so close to you, but hey He is after all the Creator and All-knowing right? Which means, there is no need to really question Him at a time like this :)

I love you Trip and I hope and pray that you have a Merry Christmas. You are most definitely missed. We wish you could be here with us, but I know you are right where you need to be. I hope things get better and I can't wait to see your beautiful face in April haha :)

As my family and I continue to pray for my brother as well as for the other troops who are fighthing for our country, I ask that you please join us....whenever you think about it, just say a quick prayer for the soldiers who are unable to be with their families during this time. Thank you and remember, God is good....all the time :)

[[Psalm 91]]